Interview with Dr. Nick Riviera

From: "Dr. Nick Riviera"
To: Fred and a few other folks.
Cc: "Roger"

(Roger is the author of the skit. Roger and Alan share a house in NH. Fred just visited them, and had a blast. The house is MUCH cleaner than you might have guessed based on their bachelor status. In fact, it's quite the "place to be", with a porch, fenced in back yard, raised bed garden, trampoline, etc. All they really need is a medium to large DOG.)

Subject: Discussion with Roger.
Date: Thursday, June 15, 2000 10:33 AM

Roger and I had a discussion last night regarding
the identity of the actress who played the sister
in Ferris Bueller's day off. This is Roger's
version of the discussion. I thought it might
give y'all some insight into the kind of person
I live with ;-)

Regis: "For one million dollars, who played the sister in Ferris Bueller's Day Off?"
a. Sharon Stone
b. Sara Jessica Parker
c. Susan Sarandon
d. Jennifer Grey

Alan: "I know this one, it's easy.......b. Sara Jessica Parker."

Regis: "Are you sure?"

Alan: "Yes, I am never wrong. I'm a Dr. you dumb bastard."

Regis: "So b. Sara Jessica Parker is your final answer?"

Alan: "Yes, how many times do I have to tell you?"

Regis: "Are you sure you don't want to use a life line?"

Alan: "No, I don't need any mere mortal's help!!"

Regis: "Are you sure you don't want to call your roommate Roger?
I hear he is wicked smart and can admit when he is wrong, but when
he thinks he's right, he is!!!!!"

Alan: "Ho Ho, he only thinks he's right - and sometimes I let him
believe it."

Regis: "So b. Sara Jessica Parker is your final answer."

Alan: "Yes, now give me my million bucks you arrogant prick!!!"

Regis: "Ohh Alan I am so sorry, you should've called Roger, the
correct answer is d. Jennifer Grey."

Alan: "I don't believe you I challenge this answer."

Regis: "I don't think that's in the rules. Our judges have these
questions thoroughly researched before coming on the air."

Alan: "Well, your judges are morons then!!"

Regis: "Alan, I know you are upset you just lost a million
dollars, but don't take it out on us."

Alan: "You are as dumb as I thought. This isn't about the money,
it's about me being right and all of you neanderthals being
incompetent in your research methods and also trusting any hacker
who can type and fake a web page."
[editor's note: alan did get online at one point in the
discussion and visit the movie description on]

Regis: "That's all for tonight folks, I apologize for the
arrogance of our guest. We'll see you next week."

Alan: "I am not leaving until we get an official authority in
here and both actresses with proof of identity."

Regis: "I don't think that's in our capabilities."

Alan: "I am not leaving. I drive a porsche and I have guns and
I am the smartest human on the planet and I am invincible damn

Regis: "Securtity, Security!!!!!"

Alan: (Being dragged off stage by securtity)
"I am right, you elitest bastard.....just listen to me and I'll tell you so!!!!"

I've already laughed loud enough to disturb my neighbors three times!

This is the first of what I hope are many funny things on my site. Want to showcase your creative writing? Send me your best shot!

INDEX to a few of Fred's pages